I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
