new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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