I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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