Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
