Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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