no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
