id be glad to
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
