What did we do last night that was yellow?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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