what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
