Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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