Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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