oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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