I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
