Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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