So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to be your penis for a week.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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