I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
