my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
