Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
