I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
