i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
