woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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