We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
