Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
