I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
