You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
