She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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