My entire life is one complicated drinking game
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
