The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
