Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wear drunk well.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
