i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's never too late to be topless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
