He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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