In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
