it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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