don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
