the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We need to get me chipped asap
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
