I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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