no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize