I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
