Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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