every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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