I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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