I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
