Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
