He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
