It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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