i need an iv and a liver transplant
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
