This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
