Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
