Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize