I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
