THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize