Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
