omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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