He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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