your room smells of hookers.
And success
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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