dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
