the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was confusing and full of hummus
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
