Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
