Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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