i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
