So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
two words: eviction party
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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