My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
