I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
