Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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