I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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